Saturday Fun (星期六趣味)

Just visited one of the neatest temples in Hong Kong: a Buddhist temple in the Tai Po area. I am most impressed. There we were given an initial taste of what Buddhism is all about. The staffs and volunteers there are most pleasant. Perhaps the only thing missing  from them is a sense of humor. But there can be humor not only by but also about Buddhists and Buddhism.

1.

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

2.

Reincarnation is making a comeback.

Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime.

3.

Q. What did the Buddhist say to the sandwich vendor at the ball game?
A. Make me one with everything! 
After the man received his sandwich, he gave the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor just smiled. 
The man, infuriated, demanded, "Where is my change."
The vendor replied, "O, one with everything, change comes from within."

4.

Q: Did you hear about the new low-fat religion?

A: I cant believe that it isn't Buddhism.

5.

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

6.

Q. What did the sign in the monastery searching for new monks say?
A. Inquire within!

7.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

8.

The Master: I've never met someone so thoughtless in my life. Keep up the good work.
The Disciple: Thank you Master I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.

9.

Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other ones replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"

10. Birthday

Q: What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
A: Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
Q: How did the birthday child respond?
A: "You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift."
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

11. Wise Teacher

One zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."
The second said, "My teacher has so much self control, he can go days without sleep."
The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

12.

Two Boys A Catholic boy and a Buddhist boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Buddha."
The Buddhist boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

13. Religious Shit

Taoism:  Shit happens. 

Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit. 

Islam:  If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because of Adam and Eve and the serpent. 
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Jehova's Witness Knock knock, shit happens.
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit. 
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Atheism:  No shit.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism : Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.

Whatever your religious beliefs or lack of any religious belief, have a happy weekend.