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2015年11月22日 星期日

Weekend Fun (週末趣味)

It seems that many Americans don't like France. Perhaps that may be because the French won't bow to the American political agenda as easily as the American government would like them to whether it be in Europe or in the Middle East. Whatever the true reasons might be, I find lots of hostility towards the French in American jokes about France.The following are from an internet website on jokes on the French.

1 . 

Q: What's the difference between France and Quebec?
A: Quebec has prettier women and colder beer.



2.
Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.

3.
Q. Why are the French so afraid of war?
A. You would be too if you never won one in your history.
.

4.
Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.

5. 
Q: Where is a Frenchman's home?

A: Where another man's wife is.

6.
Q: Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?
A: Because she has only one arm raised..

7. 

Q. How many jokes are there about the French?
A. One, the rest are true


8.
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him

9.
Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

10.
Q. What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A. Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.


11.
Q. Why do French men have moustaches?
A. To remind them of their mothers.

12.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

13.
Q: What do you call a Frenchman killed defending his country?
A: ... I don't know either, its never happened!

14.
Q: What's the shortest book ever written?

A:  French War Heroes.

15.
Q. What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

16.
Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

17.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to guard Paris?
A. Nobody knows, its never been tried before

18.

Q: Can you think of any good reason why you should be French?
A: People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

19.

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."
The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, "You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.
An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."


20. 

A Frenchman, an American, and a Brit were all busy getting drunk in Saudi Arabia when the cops burst in. They were soon sentenced to death, but through good lawyers, the three men were able to reduce their sentence to life.
As luck would have it, it was a Saudi holiday, so the judge said, "Because it's a holiday you will each receive 20 lashes and be let go. It is customary to grant one wish before punishment."
The Brit thinks and says, "Strap a pillow on my back." 

They do so, but it only holds for 10 lashes.
The Frenchman sees this, and requests two pillows on his back.
These only hold for 15 lashes.
The judge turns to the American and says "Because you are from such a respectable country, you get 2 wishes." The American replies, "I wish to be flogged 100 times, not 20." The judge thinks this is very honorable and asks
"And your second?" The American answers "Strap the Frenchman to my back."

If some American still think that way, perhaps it may profit them to reflect  a little on what Jean Paul Sartre said, "Existence precedes essence". You just can't tell what a person or a group of persons may be like with an a priori definition. We have the right to draw our conclusion only after we have seen everything that person or culture has done in reality because the future is always an open, not a closed category. Certainly, one swallow doesn't make a summer.