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2015年12月12日 星期六

Weekend Fun (週末樂趣)

Japan is a tiny country with a huge population and is the third largest economy the world, ranking after only America and China. Everything there is meticulously regulated. It appears a no nonsense country. Yet. believe it or not,Japan is just 1/26th the size of America, even smaller than the state of Montana. Perhaps out of jealousy, perhaps  because tiny Japan is the only country in US history which dared attack the USA, Americans like to joke about them. The following are taken from the internet.

1. 

Q: Did you ever hear about any Japanese winner in any international beauty contest? 
A: Me neither. 


2.
Q:  Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

3.
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It doesn't matter because they're all to short. 

4.
Q: What Japanese drink is made from cabbage, carrots, and broccoli? 

A: Mitsuya Cider ('mitsu yasai da' means 'three vegetables')  

5.
There were three guys traveling in Africa, a Frenchman, a Japanese, and an American.
They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters.
The tribal chief says to them, "We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don't believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will give you each a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing yourselves."
The Japanese guy yells "Banzai!" and commits hari-kari.
The French guy yells "Vive la France!" and slits his throat.
Then the American guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, "There's your fucking canoe!"

6.
A frustrated Japanese father vented, "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player." 

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
 "I send him to my room!" exclaimed the father.

7.
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.
On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" Thereupon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

8.
In the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one.
A year passed and only 3 people showed up.
The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.
The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!"
The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoosshh whooosshh whoooossshhh whoooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?"
The third Samurai smiled, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised!

9.

An American man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Japanese bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes."
The American replied, "Put on a blind fold."
The Japanese man asked, "Where do I get one?
The American then said, "Here take my shoe lace."

Have fun but not when you love Japan and things Japanese.